The crumpled suit has been brought out again. It's a family wedding. The suit comes out more regularly now for funerals than weddings these days. The first job is always to empty the pockets of the order of service of the recently departed.

But the score so far for this year is Weddings 1 Funerals 0 so it's off to the Midlands and a posh do this weekend for me.

I do like a good wedding and I love a good funeral too. I am particularly looking forward to this wedding though as it is so far removed from my immediate family that I can enjoy more or less as an impartial observer.

And there is plenty to enjoy and observe let me tell you. This is a Montagues and Capulets affair and no mistake.

There is a very long and very ingrained history of warring factions, of betrayal, internecine battles, bitterness and revenge on both sides. Behind the happy couple will be two tribes united only in their mutual suspicion and their petty grievances. Underneath the newly acquired hats and English pleasantries sits a powder keg of hostility and misgiving.

Scratch the surface of this formal celebration and barely a Rizzla paper depth beneath lurks the potential for utter mayhem, chaos on a grand scale.

Now gentle readers you must forgive your correspondent here - because as a removed observer, I have to confess, this does make the whole spectacle far more exciting for me.

Will uncle Brian shake hands with Tony? The very man who eloped with his wife 10 years ago? Will Sylvia be sitting next to Eileen, after that unforgettable to do at Paula's wedding last year? I shall be watching with baited breath.

But good on the happy couple in any event. I shall be routing for them all the way and here's my advice. Never go to sleep on an argument and never let the arguments of others interfere. Do it your own way guys. And good luck to you. My wife, myself and my crumpled suit will be cheering you on.